[He's not the only one of them who wants to prolong it. Ryan continues to hold on to him as he's guided along, as they sit, and shifts to make himself more comfortable; all he really wants is to curl up and be held, much as he doesn't want to admit to it. The contact is soothing, makes it easier to deal with the slight pangs in his chest and the sense of something he'd rather hoped he wouldn't feel again.]
...I'll be okay.
[Later. He might not be at the moment, but selfish as some of his desires feel, he still doesn't want to worry Noh too much.]
[ He isn't too convinced. Not that Ryan's the type to lie, nor Noh-Varr the type to suffer platitudes: it's more that he knows Ryan the type to bear a lot without complaint which, while an attractive quality, also means he tends to take on more than he can carry. ]
I know you will. [ He'd rather assume strength than weakness, especially in Ryan's case. ] I'd rather it be sooner than later.
[ If he could read the other man's thoughts, he'd tell him to let his selfishness loose. Anything to speed up his return to a balanced state. ]
[He does give in to a little of that selfishness; once they've both settled, Ryan shifts once more, arms remaining around Noh-Varr's shoulders as he turns sideways, drapes himself across his lap.]
It'll just-- I'll have to adjust. [After a beat, quieter:] I think I got what I asked for. I don't remember if I ever told you what that was.
[ 'Got what I asked for'. That puts it in perspective for him; he remembers starkly holding onto Havoc while she thrashed, her mind bloated with emotions she couldn't begin to handle, a tsunami tearing through her. ]
What did you ask for?
[ Noh-Varr isn't nervous; in fact, he is almost never nervous. Cautious, worried, perhaps. Right now, he might admit to being a little nervous, given the forces Ryan tends to deal with. ]
You remember the spirit I told you about, yeah? That-
[One hand rises, fingertips resting gently over the center of his own chest, rather than finishing his sentence.]
I asked for it to be contained. Put back where it came from.
[And for someone as openly expressive as Ryan, the words are oddly toneless-- there's the barest hint of humorless laughter at the tail end, but that's all. He trusts Noh can reach the same conclusion he'd come to, before calling him over.]
[ He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it. Ryan doesn't need to explain further. Noh-Varr's eyes fall to Ryan's chest, to the black hole hovering over wher his heart should be.
He is a constant creature: ]
Are you in pain? Will it harm you?
[ Not can it harm you. That would be a little too optimistic. ]
[ He feels foolish to have asked, and yet, his worry is assuaged, so he got what he wanted in the end. Gently, he reaches out, thumbing the curve of Ryan's jaw. ]
Do you want me to stay, for a bit?
[ It's all he has to offer, just that shred of comfort. ]
[His head tilts easily into that touch, encouraging more of it. A shred of comfort would be more than enough for Ryan right now, but it's always more of a comfort than that to have his company.]
I just- didn't want to be alone. I couldn't sleep. [Murmured half under his breath, eyes flicking away. He's old enough that dreams shouldn't keep him from drifting back off.] -not that I just wanted you here to be a pillow though, it's not like that-- I won't pass out on you, promise.
[ Ryan has said the only words he needed to say. Noh-Varr likes to feel wanted, perhaps more than most. He accepts Ryan's desire, basks in it, tilts his head down to press their forehead together. ]
You can sleep. I'll watch over you if you need.
[ He lets himself fall back, taking Ryan with him. Gently, he adjusts himself on the bunk so that Ryan can drape over him, or fall to the side, tucked between Noh-Varr's body and the wall. ]
[It's not quite petulant, but something close; he's avoiding sleep at the moment, after the dreams he'd had earlier. Noh might be one of the few whose presence comforts him enough to sleep despite them, but Ryan is also hesitant to let him see him wake terrified.
He'd rather have this.
Ryan drapes half over him, clinging like he's a pillow, and nuzzles into the curve of his neck.]
I want to know you're here, you know?... I'll sleep later. We can just- talk, or something.
[ Or something. Noh-Varr chuckles, leaning his face down to kiss Ryan's brow, his hair, his nose. ]
That's fine. You decide.
[ He knows what it's like to wake covered in sweat, every shadow suddenly contorted into twisted, unrecognizable shapes. He'd had many nightmares, after the Cube. Now, he rarely dreams, and he's glad for it. ]
Loki enchanted my rover door to play Rick Astley whenever I enter or leave.
[Those kisses get soft, pleased little murmurs in response, the corners of his mouth tugging into a small smile-- and then he bursts into quiet laughter, practically shaking with it.]
Oh my god, really? Remind me never to go over there with you, it'll completely kill the mood.
[Whatever the mood happens to be. His tone's not nearly as suggestive as it could have been with that comment.]
How far does it go through, though? Does it only start at the beginning? Because I know I'd get sick of hearing we're no strangers to love every single time I opened the door.
It's random when I enter--something it starts at the beginning, other times it's just the last stanza. When I leave it's usually the whole song, though. [ A beat. ] I think it's to annoy my rovermates less.
[ His fingers find their way into Ryan's hair, kneading the other man's scalp, gently. ]
I asked Dio to spam Loki's inbox with kissy face emotes.
[But he's still laughing-- at least, until it's interrupted by a sudden pang in his chest. There's a sharp intake of breath as his grip on Noh-Varr tightens, easing slowly as he shakily exhales.]
--I'm fine. [Breathed out as soon as it passes, with a shake of his head. Ryan doesn't linger on it, choosing to keep going, to put it aside.] One of the new Oranges mentioned you, by the way. Did you know you're a distraction?
[ Calmly, he braces a hand against Ryan's back, holding him steady until the pain passes. Once it's gone, and Ryan confirms he's fine, Noh-Varr doesn't mention it. ]
A distraction? [ He arches a brow, caught somewhere between 'of course I'm a distraction, isn't that why you're here?' and 'how dare you, I am excellent for morale'. Instead, what comes out is: ]
[ Alice Quinn. He remembers her; the river-talking girl. Curious, friendly, a good first impression. He's glad Ryan is making friends.
He cants his head a bit to the side, considering the comment. He doesn't think of this crew as exceptionally attractive, but then, he's not thinking purely in physical terms--also, he's exceptionally biased. ]
[Ryan flashes him a small, teasing grin, giving him a light little prod to his side. That may be a hint-- he really wouldn't complain if Noh-Varr were a little less dressed.
In all fairness, he probably never would.]
I know I'd appreciate it, and we both know I'm not the only one who would.
[ He gently bats Ryan's hand away, smiling at the poke. ]
Coverage is needed for protection. [ Please, like that's a valid excuse. ] And I'm not looking to impress all of camp. [ It's a little bit less of a lie now than it used to be. ] All you need to do is ask, you know.
[ Being naked for Ryan's benefit is hardly a chore. He reclines a little more, flexing the muscles of his abdomen, inviting. ]
[And more comfortable, at times. For all that he tries to be open about some things, there are points when he knows he should be more forthcoming and can't be.
He's done an awful lot of hinting when it comes to this, all of it, and the shift in his thoughts shows in the way he looks slightly distracted even as he leans in to press a kiss to Noh-Varr's lips.]
[ Noh-Varr accepts the kiss, leans into it, slow and leisurely. Ryan is a warm stripe all along his front, and that warmth spreads through him like fondness. ]
You don't have to hint. [ Another kiss, harder, and he licks his way into Ryan's mouth before drawing away again. ] I'm not.
[Ryan presses closer at that second kiss, with a contented sound murmured in response as he reaches up to thread his fingers into Noh-Varr's hair. He almost doesn't want to answer that aloud, wants to just keep kissing Noh and shut himself up, but those words echo through his mind and when he breaks away, he ends up just blurting it out.]
--I think I love you.
[His eyes widen slightly, as if he's surprised himself, and Ryan quickly adds:] I don't-- I don't need anything to change, though, I promise. I still like what we have.
[ Noh-Varr sighs with relish as Ryan's fingers slide into his hair, and he leans forcefully into the kiss. When Ryan pulls away, his mouth chases for a bit, until he realizes Ryan is speaking.
What saves him is the immediate reassurance: I don't need anything to change. Still, he stiffens beneath the other man's hands, reflexively, out of worry. He's faced with a choice: trust Ryan at his word (Ryan who knows the terms and conditions, Ryan who has already negotiated, Ryan who has listened) or break this before it becomes a second Garrus. Ryan isn't Pilot, tossing love left and right. The significance of this isn't lost on Noh-Varr. And certainly, he cares for the other man, significantly.
For a long moment, he considers Ryan. And then: ]
I accept.
[ It's possibly the weakest reply Ryan could hope for in the face of what's been offered, but it's honest. Noh-Varr doesn't reject the gift, and that in itself is a step forward from who he was just months ago. ]
[It's still more than he expected. The way Noh-Varr had tensed at the words was worrying, but his acceptance soothes the fear there, smooths the slight furrow from his brow as a small smile settles into place. Ryan doesn't expect the sentiment to be returned; this is enough, knowing that it's okay.]
--good.
[His grin stretches into something warmer, full of affection- maybe a little giddy with the rush from that jolt of fear being replaced with relief.]
I was a little afraid you wouldn't, honestly. But I'm not going to ask for anything more unless you offer it first.
[Ryan can be happy with this, with having Noh's company (and others' if he wants it); anything else is up to him.]
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...I'll be okay.
[Later. He might not be at the moment, but selfish as some of his desires feel, he still doesn't want to worry Noh too much.]
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I know you will. [ He'd rather assume strength than weakness, especially in Ryan's case. ] I'd rather it be sooner than later.
[ If he could read the other man's thoughts, he'd tell him to let his selfishness loose. Anything to speed up his return to a balanced state. ]
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[He does give in to a little of that selfishness; once they've both settled, Ryan shifts once more, arms remaining around Noh-Varr's shoulders as he turns sideways, drapes himself across his lap.]
It'll just-- I'll have to adjust. [After a beat, quieter:] I think I got what I asked for. I don't remember if I ever told you what that was.
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What did you ask for?
[ Noh-Varr isn't nervous; in fact, he is almost never nervous. Cautious, worried, perhaps. Right now, he might admit to being a little nervous, given the forces Ryan tends to deal with. ]
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[One hand rises, fingertips resting gently over the center of his own chest, rather than finishing his sentence.]
I asked for it to be contained. Put back where it came from.
[And for someone as openly expressive as Ryan, the words are oddly toneless-- there's the barest hint of humorless laughter at the tail end, but that's all. He trusts Noh can reach the same conclusion he'd come to, before calling him over.]
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He is a constant creature: ]
Are you in pain? Will it harm you?
[ Not can it harm you. That would be a little too optimistic. ]
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Not at the moment. And- I don't know.
[Ryan gives his head a slight shake, pausing for a moment to consider.]
It isn't... I can feel it, but if I were actually possessed it would have taken control by now.
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Do you want me to stay, for a bit?
[ It's all he has to offer, just that shred of comfort. ]
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[His head tilts easily into that touch, encouraging more of it. A shred of comfort would be more than enough for Ryan right now, but it's always more of a comfort than that to have his company.]
I just- didn't want to be alone. I couldn't sleep. [Murmured half under his breath, eyes flicking away. He's old enough that dreams shouldn't keep him from drifting back off.] -not that I just wanted you here to be a pillow though, it's not like that-- I won't pass out on you, promise.
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You can sleep. I'll watch over you if you need.
[ He lets himself fall back, taking Ryan with him. Gently, he adjusts himself on the bunk so that Ryan can drape over him, or fall to the side, tucked between Noh-Varr's body and the wall. ]
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[It's not quite petulant, but something close; he's avoiding sleep at the moment, after the dreams he'd had earlier. Noh might be one of the few whose presence comforts him enough to sleep despite them, but Ryan is also hesitant to let him see him wake terrified.
He'd rather have this.
Ryan drapes half over him, clinging like he's a pillow, and nuzzles into the curve of his neck.]
I want to know you're here, you know?... I'll sleep later. We can just- talk, or something.
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That's fine. You decide.
[ He knows what it's like to wake covered in sweat, every shadow suddenly contorted into twisted, unrecognizable shapes. He'd had many nightmares, after the Cube. Now, he rarely dreams, and he's glad for it. ]
Loki enchanted my rover door to play Rick Astley whenever I enter or leave.
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Oh my god, really? Remind me never to go over there with you, it'll completely kill the mood.
[Whatever the mood happens to be. His tone's not nearly as suggestive as it could have been with that comment.]
How far does it go through, though? Does it only start at the beginning? Because I know I'd get sick of hearing we're no strangers to love every single time I opened the door.
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[ His fingers find their way into Ryan's hair, kneading the other man's scalp, gently. ]
I asked Dio to spam Loki's inbox with kissy face emotes.
[ Spoken like the cat that got the cream. ]
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[But he's still laughing-- at least, until it's interrupted by a sudden pang in his chest. There's a sharp intake of breath as his grip on Noh-Varr tightens, easing slowly as he shakily exhales.]
--I'm fine. [Breathed out as soon as it passes, with a shake of his head. Ryan doesn't linger on it, choosing to keep going, to put it aside.] One of the new Oranges mentioned you, by the way. Did you know you're a distraction?
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A distraction? [ He arches a brow, caught somewhere between 'of course I'm a distraction, isn't that why you're here?' and 'how dare you, I am excellent for morale'. Instead, what comes out is: ]
Who was it?
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[His tone's light, teasing, and a brow is quirked to match the small grin on his lips. This is a much easier subject.]
But evidently I'm not the only one who'd wondered if the CDC specifically recruits good-looking people, that's a relief.
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He cants his head a bit to the side, considering the comment. He doesn't think of this crew as exceptionally attractive, but then, he's not thinking purely in physical terms--also, he's exceptionally biased. ]
I don't go around shirtless all the time.
[ Only half of it. ]
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[Ryan flashes him a small, teasing grin, giving him a light little prod to his side. That may be a hint-- he really wouldn't complain if Noh-Varr were a little less dressed.
In all fairness, he probably never would.]
I know I'd appreciate it, and we both know I'm not the only one who would.
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Coverage is needed for protection. [ Please, like that's a valid excuse. ] And I'm not looking to impress all of camp. [ It's a little bit less of a lie now than it used to be. ] All you need to do is ask, you know.
[ Being naked for Ryan's benefit is hardly a chore. He reclines a little more, flexing the muscles of his abdomen, inviting. ]
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[And more comfortable, at times. For all that he tries to be open about some things, there are points when he knows he should be more forthcoming and can't be.
He's done an awful lot of hinting when it comes to this, all of it, and the shift in his thoughts shows in the way he looks slightly distracted even as he leans in to press a kiss to Noh-Varr's lips.]
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You don't have to hint. [ Another kiss, harder, and he licks his way into Ryan's mouth before drawing away again. ] I'm not.
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--I think I love you.
[His eyes widen slightly, as if he's surprised himself, and Ryan quickly adds:] I don't-- I don't need anything to change, though, I promise. I still like what we have.
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What saves him is the immediate reassurance: I don't need anything to change. Still, he stiffens beneath the other man's hands, reflexively, out of worry. He's faced with a choice: trust Ryan at his word (Ryan who knows the terms and conditions, Ryan who has already negotiated, Ryan who has listened) or break this before it becomes a second Garrus. Ryan isn't Pilot, tossing love left and right. The significance of this isn't lost on Noh-Varr. And certainly, he cares for the other man, significantly.
For a long moment, he considers Ryan. And then: ]
I accept.
[ It's possibly the weakest reply Ryan could hope for in the face of what's been offered, but it's honest. Noh-Varr doesn't reject the gift, and that in itself is a step forward from who he was just months ago. ]
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--good.
[His grin stretches into something warmer, full of affection- maybe a little giddy with the rush from that jolt of fear being replaced with relief.]
I was a little afraid you wouldn't, honestly. But I'm not going to ask for anything more unless you offer it first.
[Ryan can be happy with this, with having Noh's company (and others' if he wants it); anything else is up to him.]
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