[ Her joking demeanor from just a moment ago has evaporated in a flash. Vriska, above all things, adores Noh. He is her closest friend, and her only best friend still remaining. But despite everything they've been through together, everything she knows he's done for her, she's never been able to shake the feeling that he holds himself apart from her in some way she can't quantify. Keeps back, doesn't say things he might say to others, doesn't confide in her in the ways she's confided in him. And for a long time she let it go, tried to quell the nagging sense of jealousy that rose in her gut each time she sensed something was amiss. It was at its worst when he was temporarily promoted to leader; something told her he should have been uncomfortable, but he'd acted as if all was well. That was not the only time, but that was the time that stuck to her ribcage like a burr, incessant and nagging. There's something he isn't saying.
That had bothered her then. It bothers her now. It bothers her most that she is genuinely unsure if this is just her jealous, controlling nature causing her to imagine things that aren't really happening, or if he's truly holding back from her after all.
The look she gives him is level and very neutral. It is not accusatory; merely factual. ]
I'm not sure I buy that. I get the ways you two are different! Garrus is definitely the more soft-hearted and romantic. He was a mess. He let me hug him, you know that? It was sort of cute. But not you! You put on a show for me and tell me that you're fine. Well, guess what? I don't fucking buy it, Noh-Varr.
[ She pauses there, faltering, struggling with what to say next. ]
... it's not that I want you to be upset. It's just ... okay if you are, you know?
[ There's something in his face, a tension that rises to the surface. It's apparent in the way his easy smile stiffens slightly, eyes narrowing while he watches her.
How can he express this? That he doesn't trust her, doesn't respect her enough to share this with her? The pieces of herself she's shown have only ever demonstrated a complete lack of subtlety, of restraint, an ingrained callousness. Why would he share his fears, his doubts, when he knows what she can do with them? Vrika Serket killed him and made herself a spectacle with it.
He would protect this girl with his life, but he can't possibly trust her with himself. She'd hang him on that rope. ]
I'm all right, Vriska. Really.
[ At least part of him means it; Garrus is the one truly hurting, here, not Noh-Varr. He can go on with his day, go on with his work, like nothing's wrong. He can take these emotions and simply refuse to acknowledge them, and with time, they will go away.
But that doesn't change the careful, neutral look Vriska is giving him, and he knows what she's expecting from him, but that simply isn't something he's willing to give. ]
[ All she does is watch him. When her guard is down, when she isn't so wrapped up in her head she can't see straight, Vriska is a startlingly adept judge of character. And she picks up on a lot of nuances in Noh-Varr now that she might not notice if this were her drama. She sees his tension, his caution, his stiffness. And the instant she sees those things, she knows he's about to lie to her. The words, when they come, are really secondary; she hardly hears them. All she has to know is what they mean.
It slams into her all at once, right into the center of her chest, that he doesn't trust her and never has. She draws a slightly shaky breath in, then shuts her eyes, nodding slowly. Ducking her chin, she lifts her hands to pull her hair back over her shoulders. The hurt is there, in the way her arms move, in the way she breathes, but she does a surprisingly good job of keeping the pain out of her face. Noh's obvious distrust, his lie, are a knife between her ribs. And he's not the one who put that knife there.
She is.
And knowing that fact is what gets her to breathe in, let go of her hair, and look at him again. ]
Okay, [ she says, her voice measured and quieter than it was a moment ago. ] Someday, Noh. Someday.
[ He can only imagine the pain that lances through her, but he can't bring himself to feel badly about it. If she can maintain...this, this new standard she has held herself to, then maybe, just maybe, he'll consent to letting her in.
He only barely opened up to Garrus and Ryan. She better not hold her breath. ]
Someday, Vriska.
[ For what it's worth? He has faith in her.
He moves over to his bunk, pulling out a fur, which he lays out on the floor, and his record player. ]
Want to hang out here for a while? I'm in the mood for some good music.
[ That he echoed it back to her makes her chest constrict again, but in a different way. She smiles faintly, with just one secret corner of her mouth, and lets it go.
At least he seems to have faith.
She quirks a brow at his fluid subject change, admiring the ease with which, as always, he can switch emotional gears if he needs to. With a broad, careless shrug, she nods and moves over to his bunk, throwing herself across the fur he's set out. ]
[ Noh-Varr is vastly experienced with not letting his negative feelings overcome him. His life has been a series of obstacles designed to knock him down. He can take a lot in stride; if he hadn't been able to, he wouldn't be functioning right now. ]
Who else?
[ His tone is playful, as if he knows she won't soon forget. If Vriska deigns stay, he'll play the full album, inviting her to sit on the fur with him and sink into the sound. This is the best therapy he can offer himself: good music in good company. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
unfavoured
no subject
Does it?
[ Her joking demeanor from just a moment ago has evaporated in a flash. Vriska, above all things, adores Noh. He is her closest friend, and her only best friend still remaining. But despite everything they've been through together, everything she knows he's done for her, she's never been able to shake the feeling that he holds himself apart from her in some way she can't quantify. Keeps back, doesn't say things he might say to others, doesn't confide in her in the ways she's confided in him. And for a long time she let it go, tried to quell the nagging sense of jealousy that rose in her gut each time she sensed something was amiss. It was at its worst when he was temporarily promoted to leader; something told her he should have been uncomfortable, but he'd acted as if all was well. That was not the only time, but that was the time that stuck to her ribcage like a burr, incessant and nagging. There's something he isn't saying.
That had bothered her then. It bothers her now. It bothers her most that she is genuinely unsure if this is just her jealous, controlling nature causing her to imagine things that aren't really happening, or if he's truly holding back from her after all.
The look she gives him is level and very neutral. It is not accusatory; merely factual. ]
I'm not sure I buy that. I get the ways you two are different! Garrus is definitely the more soft-hearted and romantic. He was a mess. He let me hug him, you know that? It was sort of cute. But not you! You put on a show for me and tell me that you're fine. Well, guess what? I don't fucking buy it, Noh-Varr.
[ She pauses there, faltering, struggling with what to say next. ]
... it's not that I want you to be upset. It's just ... okay if you are, you know?
no subject
How can he express this? That he doesn't trust her, doesn't respect her enough to share this with her? The pieces of herself she's shown have only ever demonstrated a complete lack of subtlety, of restraint, an ingrained callousness. Why would he share his fears, his doubts, when he knows what she can do with them? Vrika Serket killed him and made herself a spectacle with it.
He would protect this girl with his life, but he can't possibly trust her with himself. She'd hang him on that rope. ]
I'm all right, Vriska. Really.
[ At least part of him means it; Garrus is the one truly hurting, here, not Noh-Varr. He can go on with his day, go on with his work, like nothing's wrong. He can take these emotions and simply refuse to acknowledge them, and with time, they will go away.
But that doesn't change the careful, neutral look Vriska is giving him, and he knows what she's expecting from him, but that simply isn't something he's willing to give. ]
no subject
It slams into her all at once, right into the center of her chest, that he doesn't trust her and never has. She draws a slightly shaky breath in, then shuts her eyes, nodding slowly. Ducking her chin, she lifts her hands to pull her hair back over her shoulders. The hurt is there, in the way her arms move, in the way she breathes, but she does a surprisingly good job of keeping the pain out of her face. Noh's obvious distrust, his lie, are a knife between her ribs. And he's not the one who put that knife there.
She is.
And knowing that fact is what gets her to breathe in, let go of her hair, and look at him again. ]
Okay, [ she says, her voice measured and quieter than it was a moment ago. ] Someday, Noh. Someday.
[ Someday I'll earn your faith. ]
no subject
He only barely opened up to Garrus and Ryan. She better not hold her breath. ]
Someday, Vriska.
[ For what it's worth? He has faith in her.
He moves over to his bunk, pulling out a fur, which he lays out on the floor, and his record player. ]
Want to hang out here for a while? I'm in the mood for some good music.
no subject
At least he seems to have faith.
She quirks a brow at his fluid subject change, admiring the ease with which, as always, he can switch emotional gears if he needs to. With a broad, careless shrug, she nods and moves over to his bunk, throwing herself across the fur he's set out. ]
Let me guess. Nina Simone?
no subject
Who else?
[ His tone is playful, as if he knows she won't soon forget. If Vriska deigns stay, he'll play the full album, inviting her to sit on the fur with him and sink into the sound. This is the best therapy he can offer himself: good music in good company. ]