[ 'Casual'. 'Friendly'. 'More'. The words seem to mix in his mind the more he hears them. He's never really had to question a relationship like this. Annie is his closest frame of reference--and they never quite spoke like this, in definite terms. She would wait for him on the windowsill of her college dorm room, and when he had to leave her, he'd told her he'd come back. He never did, of course.
The way Garrus looks at him, talks about him...that fondness resurfaces. It's hard not to be convinced by that bumbling charm. But Noh-Varr doesn't want 'attached', doesn't want 'stable'. He wants to explore his options and take risks and smile at good-looking strangers when he feels like it. Garrus says he doesn't need exclusivity. He says he doesn't want to take anything away. He wants to be a priority. That sounds so flexible. Too good to be true, like Garrus is making a hundred concessions just to keep him. That's its own kind of attractiveness, being given power. He feels guilty already.
Noh-Varr hurt Kate and Annie and he's liable to hurt Garrus, if Garrus isn't being completely honest with him. He doesn't want to. Garrus is a little fragile, emotionally insecure; Warriorhead said it plainly, though Noh-Varr knew it to start. Garrus may be older than him, but time and experience have worn down what might, at Noh-Varr's age, have been an equally unshakable confidence. He wonders if that insecurity might not make way for jealousy and, if so, if they're doomed to fail before they even start. He wants to protect Garrus. He tries a few hesitant sentences. ]
Garrus, I...I don't know how I feel about you; I like you, but is it long-term? I just don't know. You're asking a lot.
[ He doesn't like forcing himself to be honest any more than Garrus does; in fact, he quails, turning his face away from the turian, running a hand through his hair, an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. ]
But I...I'm not against the idea. Of priorities.
[ If he were being fair to Garrus, he'd spare them both the trouble and walk away now. But he's a vain, selfish creature and Garrus is offering an easy path where he can have the attention he craves, the sex he wants, and the stability that might be good for him, all in one. He turns his face back. ]
Are you sure? [ He's never negotiated anything like this. A few months ago it would never have crossed his mind. He has expectations too, but doesn't want to voice them just yet. He wants to give Garrus the time to draw back. He wants to give himself time. ]
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The way Garrus looks at him, talks about him...that fondness resurfaces. It's hard not to be convinced by that bumbling charm. But Noh-Varr doesn't want 'attached', doesn't want 'stable'. He wants to explore his options and take risks and smile at good-looking strangers when he feels like it. Garrus says he doesn't need exclusivity. He says he doesn't want to take anything away. He wants to be a priority. That sounds so flexible. Too good to be true, like Garrus is making a hundred concessions just to keep him. That's its own kind of attractiveness, being given power. He feels guilty already.
Noh-Varr hurt Kate and Annie and he's liable to hurt Garrus, if Garrus isn't being completely honest with him. He doesn't want to. Garrus is a little fragile, emotionally insecure; Warriorhead said it plainly, though Noh-Varr knew it to start. Garrus may be older than him, but time and experience have worn down what might, at Noh-Varr's age, have been an equally unshakable confidence. He wonders if that insecurity might not make way for jealousy and, if so, if they're doomed to fail before they even start. He wants to protect Garrus. He tries a few hesitant sentences. ]
Garrus, I...I don't know how I feel about you; I like you, but is it long-term? I just don't know. You're asking a lot.
[ He doesn't like forcing himself to be honest any more than Garrus does; in fact, he quails, turning his face away from the turian, running a hand through his hair, an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. ]
But I...I'm not against the idea. Of priorities.
[ If he were being fair to Garrus, he'd spare them both the trouble and walk away now. But he's a vain, selfish creature and Garrus is offering an easy path where he can have the attention he craves, the sex he wants, and the stability that might be good for him, all in one. He turns his face back. ]
Are you sure? [ He's never negotiated anything like this. A few months ago it would never have crossed his mind. He has expectations too, but doesn't want to voice them just yet. He wants to give Garrus the time to draw back. He wants to give himself time. ]